By Nataranjan Bohidar
Every time I get down to
watch QUANTICO I get the heebie-jeebies. Will Priyanka, my favourite actor at
début many many years before a badminton champion's daughter débuted, début
well here? Will India come out of this BHOLIwood coming out party with flying tri-colours? She's a bholi-bhali,
not yet 70, bindaas and ready to GDPower the
universe, but will she know how to handle the beeg baad beez world
of show feexes (to be read aloud in
kar-deshi-an drawl) & trans-oceanic quaintrixes? Who talked this baby broad
mouth into this miss-adventure? I get
anxious simply imagining just how much
rides for our nation on this army backgrounder's show show shoulder, if not ba ba back. So, I
decided to sit up and simply write off my anxiety... just bust my stress away,
pen it out (no pun intended).
> QuantEEKS & Co. 01
Very wordy promo... appears
in a hurry to promote investor &
accompanying paraphernalia on Priyanka's
showlders to get some traction before QUANTICO fades into oblivion by
virtue, or in this case vice, of its very fractured narrative.The editing is
two times or more scissor happy than the entire FBI is trigger happy and you wonder if it's because the acting is
pedestrian even if Priyanka's cleavage is spectacular and a celebration of all
women in general and the Asian fertility cult in particular. But, hey, I've
only seen one epic-showed ! And while Priyanka does look the intelligent
oriental darkly mulling type, who cares for brain curry or the woman's soul on
the idiot box?
Which is why Kapil Komedies
are so popular and help us laugh away our nightly blues.You see, fertility is such a bummer, if
not total coitus interruptus! Kapil's ardhangini has perhaps the most
delectable mouth in the face of the
competition she faces from Priyanka, but the (w)hole family is going crazy
about their not trying hard enough to
make a baby and this is so screwing up
their married life and rubbing them up
the wrong way, if you know what I mean !
 |
| If looks could kill baby face Priyanka would be dead |
But let's wait and watch... Priyanka
in a talk show did promise us some adult action "during college / training
days"... which may be good reason for her to promote QUANTICO on Kapil's
Nights of Merry Kom-edy! After all, no one on Jimmy Kimmel's Show is going to
get excited over some flighty chirpy birdy num num's fedsexcapades in their
very own Bureau of Investigations reeking already of far too many xxx-tra marital vows & xxx-tra martial
wows! Any takers ?
> QuantEEKS & Co. 04
If you can take your eyes off
PeeCee's cleavage you will notice her other asset, not her lips, but the words
coming out of her mouth and you will
marvel at how well these guys write their scripts that even dumb actors sound
awesome even when they act, well, dumb !
QUANTICO is a jumble of
characters you will probably connect with in the 18th episode by which time any
TRP pulled in by the serial will be godot's gift to the FBI on account of the waiting... So,
i'm just going to be patient with this zoo story, dotted with unjoinable dots,
until Indian year-closing month of Holi March! By then, of course, Dil-hi
police may start looking equally smart,
federally speaking!
 |
| Puppy love or hush puppy? |
Check out the sequence where
PeeCee promises some guy who is brushing his teeth in the loo a soirée of
future sex for doing her some life saving favour, one of which is to keep his
eyes transfixed on her throughout her
career, which would be considered stalking in Bharat or gender
harassment but we'll let that go for the time being considering the action is
situate in Umrika, and you will notice the sexual tension between the mouth
washing guy and PeeCee is friggin, sorry frigid chilling, colder than the
warmth it could generate between her and her commander should he pin a medal on her, ahem, chest in any police academy at a
possible passion, sorry passing out parade.
And now here is HT, Bharat's greatest Hindi paper in English,
crying to teach PeeCee how to, if not
warm love, at least warm mush:
 |
| Cosmetico model for native commercials |
"For all the good press
and eyeballs she is getting from ABC’s Quantico, Priyanka Chopra sure needs to
learn a trick or two on how to cry better. She looks miserable, not because
she’s heartbroken, but because all that she could do in the name of c...
"Hindustan Times - 26
October 2015
http://a.msn.com/r/2/BBmpryh?a=1&m=EN-IN
* Here is a quick illustration of how HT comes up with its awesome Angrezi...
"After a big hiccup that was the last episode, Quantico seems to have repositioned its feet for a better hold."
This above is a pioneering English translation for what appears to be originally chaste Hindi below:
बड़ी हिचकी वाली पिछली एपिसोड के बाद लगता हे कि Quantico ने अपने पैर समभाला है एक बेहतर पकड़ के लिए !
* Here is a quick illustration of how HT comes up with its awesome Angrezi...
"After a big hiccup that was the last episode, Quantico seems to have repositioned its feet for a better hold."
This above is a pioneering English translation for what appears to be originally chaste Hindi below:
बड़ी हिचकी वाली पिछली एपिसोड के बाद लगता हे कि Quantico ने अपने पैर समभाला है एक बेहतर पकड़ के लिए !
> QuantEEKS & Co. 08
Watch this space for
bholi-wood news after 4 more episodes.Will you? Even if you aren't viewing
QUANTICO itself.
- नटरंjan bohiदार
( Sign off signifying nothing besides unyet hybrid but already pidgin nature of QUANटिको! Kya, टिके ga कि nahin? )
About Author -
Nataranjan Bohidar has 40 years of teaching, training & transformational expertise. His interests are socio-cultural symbiogenesis & citizen positioning. His current initiative is to position India as a democracy within a continuum where cinema is a key subtext.
Readers, please feel free to share your views/opinions in the comment box below. As always your feedback is highly appreciated!
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